


catching my breath (letting it go)

by fadingdreams



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Drug Use, M/M, larry stylinson - Freeform, lourry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-23
Updated: 2013-03-23
Packaged: 2017-12-06 05:09:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,096
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/731784
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fadingdreams/pseuds/fadingdreams
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry is changing in a way that Louis despises. But every time Louis doubts their love, Harry finds a way to make that doubt disappear.</p>
            </blockquote>





	catching my breath (letting it go)

**Author's Note:**

> I did this a long time back... it probably sucks but yeah anyway.. XX

Louis looked fondly at boy sleeping next to him. Brown curls on white, splayed out around his head like a halo. It was as if an angel had fallen out of heaven and chosen his bed as refuge. Eyelids fluttered and Louis was startled with the brightest flash of green. The emerald pools stared into blue as Harry’s pink lips pulled up into a sleepy grin.

“Morning Lou” He said, slow and deep, grabbing Louis’ slim fingers where they were resting under the sheets.

Louis rolled onto the fair boy and attached their lips together. The sun that streamed through the window could be keeping his back warm, or it could be Harry’s large hands that were clutching at the bare skin. It could be Harry’s soft eyelashes, brushing against his cheek as their tongues danced together intricately. It could be Harry’s breath, hot against his neck as they pulled away from each other, panting and gasping for oxygen.

Louis tangled his fingers into the silky curls, tugging gently as his twirled them around, enjoying the way that Harry was almost purring under him.

“You’re like a little kitten Harry”

Harry smirked up at him, winking as Louis’ eyes darkened with lust. He pressed his mouth to the tan skin at the base of Louis’ neck and hummed as he sucked a purple bruise into it.

Louis sighed happily, running his hands along Harry’s sides. He looked back into the emerald eyes as he fruitlessly tried to catch the gold flecks in the middle.

“You’re so beautiful Haz. You’ll always love me right?”

“You know it.”

-

“Wow, are you guys trying to mentally scar me for life? Keep the PDA on a low.” said a blonde boy from his position, lounging the sofa in Harry and Louis’ tiny flat. Niall shielded his eyes playfully, but was smiling, he didn’t mind really. Being part of the few people that actually accepted them together, the others being Zayn and Liam, he liked to see the both of them happy.

Louis had gotten kicked out of his house for being gay, and Harry had moved out, because his parents couldn’t wrap their minds around the fact that he didn’t like girls, and in fact, he had a boyfriend. So they both decided to live together, with whatever money they had, with whatever experience they had.

_It was worth it though._

Louis stared at the boy who had his head thrown back as he laughed, his eyes were sparkling and curls were bouncing. Harry was the reason he woke up with a smile every day, and no amount of extra shifts to pay the rent would ever dim the love he had for the boy by his side.

-

“Harry, where are you? Aren’t you coming to the bar?”

_“Uh, no Lou sorry, I have plans babe.”_

“Plans? You never told me you had plans.”

_“I’m sorry; I didn’t realize that you needed to know every aspect of my life.”_

“That’s not what I meant I just –Harry? Harry?”

Louis stared at the phone in his hands, hurt, forehead creased. “Huh. Strange.”

“What’s up Loueh?” The olive toned boy next to him asked as they grabbed the drinks from the bar, walking back to their table where Niall and Liam were waiting.

“I don’t know. I asked Harry if he was coming to the bar, and he just said he has plans.”

“What plans?”

“That’s what I asked him. He just snapped at me and said something about me not needing to know every aspect of his life.”

“Well. That isn’t like Harry. He never snaps at you.”

Louis sighed; he’d had a stressful day. He’d figure this out after a decent amount of alcohol and a good night’s sleep.

“Eh. He’ll come around.” He said, throwing back a shot, smiling as he felt the familiar burn at the back of his throat.

That night, Louis lay wasted in his bed, still subconsciously waiting for the mattress to dip down, and that lean body to wrap its arms around him. He heard the apartment door creak open faintly, but nobody entered the bedroom. Nobody switched the night lamp on before snuggling in with Louis. For the first night in the last six months that they had been living together, Harry wasn’t lying next to his boyfriend. The questions ran relentlessly through Louis’ mind, and sleep didn’t come easily.

-

When Louis woke up the next morning, his head throbbed painfully, and one side of his bed was still cold. He ran his fingers through his hair and peeked out of the room, catching sight of Harry who was snuggled in on the couch. He sighed and walked over to him, sitting cross legged in front of the sleeping boy, admiring how he was even smiling in his sleep, stull chubby cheeks puffing up every time he took a breath.

He gently shook Harry, trying to wake him from his slumber.

“Harry. Wake up.”

“Huh?”

Harry’s eyes were clouded with sleep as he gave Louis a sad smile.

“Why are you on the sofa Haz?”

“Aren’t you upset with me?”

Louis took Harry’s hand in his and scrunched his eyes up, “I don’t think so. Everyone has their bad days.”

Harry burrowed his head into the pillow, hiding his face and whining, “I’m sorry Lou, I don’t know what got into me.”

Louis carefully guided Harry’s face out of the pillow and pressed a quick kiss to his lips. “Harry, you were kind of a dick, but I didn’t take it so seriously. You really didn’t have to sleep out here on the couch babe. I missed you.”

Harry gave a genuine smile, face cracking out of its sad façade. “I can make you breakfast to make up for it?”

“Sounds like a deal.”

And for a while, it seemed like everything had fallen back into place, the couple danced around like idiots, sang horribly to Beyoncé, Louis ate pancake batter before Harry could even use it. They kissed happily that morning, sugar getting in between their lips, the sweetness mixed with the fire inside.

But what they didn’t know was that they were on the brink of disaster.

-

“Where’s Harry, Lou? I almost never see him with you anymore.” Liam said, grabbing a beer from the fridge and settling down next to Louis who was aimlessly flicking through channels on the TV.

Louis groans and throws the remote away; conveniently watching the stupid program, turn to black. “I don’t know.”

“What? He always tells you where he is. He texts you from the bathroom!”

“Well, I don’t know where he is. And I should probably get used to it.”

“You’re okay with it?” Liam raised an eyebrow skeptically, knowing that the cheeky boy next to him was smitten with his boyfriend.

“Of course I’m not Liam! I don’t know where the _fuck_ he is half the time, the last time he said he loved me was when we had sex. I don’t know who he hangs out with, sometimes he comes home completely smashed, and I’m fucking _worried_.” Louis exclaimed, letting his head fall into his arms. And Liam, for the first time realized how tired he looked. His blue eyes had lost their shine and his skin looked grey.

“Lou, I’m sorry. Maybe you should talk to him about it.” Liam nudged his shoulder comfortingly.

“I know, but, I just don’t think he loves me.”

“Louis that is by far the most ridiculous thing I have _ever_ heard you say. People don’t just fall out of love like that. And definitely not you guys. You’ve been together for two years now, and I have never seen two people that are happier with each other than you are. It’s just, a bump in the road Lou. You’ll both get over and become that ridiculously cheesy couple again.”

“You think so?”

“I know so. Talk to him tonight. Make him listen.”

-

Louis woke that night to shouts of “ _Louis, open the fucking door”_

He crawled out of an empty bed, again, to the apartment door, where he found a curly haired boy slumped against the doorframe.

“Harry I –“

“Took you long enough”, he slurred cruelly, shoving Louis aside. The blue eyed boy wasn’t having any of it though. He grabbed Harry’s wrists and turned the boy around to look at him, properly for the first time in almost two weeks.

“Harry, are you drunk?”

“Well so what if I am?”

Harry hissed in pain, holding his cheek, feeling the skin sting. He stared at his boyfriend in shock, his boyfriend that had blue eyes filled with venom, all happiness drained from the orbs. He shrunk away, in fear of Louis who was seething, grinding his teeth.

“You’re not Harry. You aren’t the person you said you would be. You’re pathetic.”

“Louis please –“

“Let it go. “ Louis said, grimacing at the curly haired boy who was stumbling, cheek red with his handprint. “You can sleep on the sofa tonight.”

-

Louis stared at his hand, pink from where he had struck the younger boy. He felt his eyes well up, when he remembered Harry’s hurt face; the blue eyes boy was disgusted, with himself. He swore to himself that he would never hurt harry. And in a moment of heat, he had broken that promise. He could hear Harry vomiting in the bathroom, the retching noises mixed with painful sobs. Tears dripped down his cheeks as he cried with Harry, broken hearts beating, for once mismatched and out of the rhythm that they used to have. But that was long gone. It was a love that was forever, but forever was ending far too quickly for them to understand its true meaning.  
-

Two mornings later, Harry confronted Louis. Full of sobs and apologies, he fell into Louis’ arms. But he still wouldn’t tell him where he went when the sun went down. Being so grateful to have Harry, _his_ Harry back, Louis questioned it no further. But maybe if he had, things might have turned out quite differently.

Because when night hit the city of London, the curly haired boy was not the sweet boy that Louis was so familiar with.  He fell to the seedy nightclubs in dark alleys, and got lost in a world with other kinds of friends. Friends that would hand him needles, friends that would pass him pills, friends that would give him powder to sniff, friends that encouraged him to fly with them. It made Harry feel so free, it made him feel like he was top of the world, that he was worth something.

The one thing he used to be sure of was that he loved Louis. Unconditionally. He would die for the boy, no questions asked. He knew that _he_ loved Louis. But he could sense Louis fading, losing the firm grip he had on Harry’s heart. The boy with the beautiful blue eyes was drifting away, and that scared Harry. But there was nothing he could do about it.

-

As the months wore on, everything went downhill. Harry came home to Louis late at night, sometimes there were needle marks on his fair skin, he was puffy eyed and sniffling. The hollows under his eyes stretched tighter and tighter over his eye sockets. His clothes began to hang off him, a rag doll in shirts that didn’t fit, making him look skinny and tired.

Sometimes he just came home stumbling and giggling, muttering like a madman, pressing kisses to Louis’ chest, running his grimy fingernails through the feathery hair. And those nights, Louis let him. He hated what Harry had become, but who was he to deny the beautiful boy what he wanted?

Every morning Harry woke up with an ‘I’m so sorry Lou’ falling from his lips, and every morning Louis took him back, allowing himself to be kissed and caressed. If he had to sink so low for the boy he loved, he would do it without hesitation.

Liam, Niall and Zayn worried for their best friends. Harry seemed to be sinking beyond reach, and instead of pulling him out of the depths, Louis was sinking with him. The blue eyed boy became withdrawn, and wouldn’t speak much to anyone except Harry. Lost in each other’s broken and tired eyes, was how they spent the night.

A night somewhat like that, was the fateful night that all hell broke loose on the disturbed pair.

Harry staggered into the apartment, and Louis sighed in relief, he liked it better when the curly haired boy wasn’t high. Drunken Harry was better than Harry on drugs.

He went closer and pressed his lips to Harry’s plump ones, enjoying the way the younger boy moaned. He smirked into the embrace and peppered kisses down Harry’s jaw, his lips froze at the base of his throat, as he saw a deep red bruise where Harry’s shoulder and neck connected. He pressed a finger against it gingerly, the younger boy yelped in pain, smacking Louis’ arm away.

 “Is that –what I think it is?” The blue eyed boy said, backing away from Harry, hands shaking.

Harry, hands still pressed to his neck, stared the ground; unable to look up to the blue eyes were flaming with anger. Louis’ wrists trembled as he pointed at Harry, talking softly, but with a voice full of venom.

“All this time, I never asked about you, I _never_ asked you where you were going. I –I TRUSTED YOU. AND YOU’RE FUCKING CHEATING ON ME!”

Harry attempted to put a hand on Louis’ shoulder, to calm his breathing, the older boys’ heart was beating so hard in his chest, and Harry was scared it would explode.  But when Louis flinched away from his boyfriend’s touch, Harry swelled with anger.

Why should he be sorry? Louis was the one pushing him away; _Louis_ was the one who didn’t give a damn where Harry was at night. Louis was the one breaking them apart. Louis should be the one cowering.

“Well who was supposed to give me the love that –YOU CLEARLY DON’T HAVE FOR ME ANYMORE?”

“HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU SAY THAT, YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT I’VE BEEN GOING THROUGH!”

Both boys were in so much pain, hearts hammering and breaths coming out as pants. Harry’s lower lip was trembling, tears welling up, forming a film of water in front of his sad green eyes. Louis looked away, somehow getting even angrier than he already was.

“Don’t _fucking_ cry Harry, don’t you dare try and make me feel sorry for something I didn’t do. How many people are you fucking eh? You’re high half the time and pissed the rest. How am I supposed to live with you? How do _you_ live with you?”

Tears fell freely from the green eyes, as Harry wordlessly took in every cruel word that dripped from Louis’ lips. The older boy kept abusing with words, not realising that Harry’s heart was silently cracking open with every syllable he heard.

Finally he pressed his palms to his ears, pushing into his head, unable to hear anymore.

“Stop.”

“Well you have nerve, YOU’RE THE ONE WHO –“

“LEAVE THEN. LEAVE ME ALONE, LET ME BLEED TO DEATH, I DON’T CARE ANYMORE –I, I don’t deserve you.” Harry said, ending with a whisper. Put a hand over his mouth and sobbed as Louis shoved him aside and ran out of the apartment, slamming the door behind him.

Harry tripped his way to their room and flung himself onto the bed that smelled so much like Louis. He smothered his face into the pillow so that it was all he could smell, letting it absorb his tears until he was all out of them. Even then, he continued to sniffle and his chest continued to heave until the early rays of the morning where he woke to see Louis sitting across the room. He was staring at Harry, tear tracks down his face that was puffed up and red.

The stared at each other for a long time, letting the warm sun filter through the window and dry up the salty drops on both their cheeks.  It was a while before any of them mustered up the nerve to address the other.

When Harry spoke, his voice was low and cracked, “I never wanted you to leave Louis. I never will.”

“I never want to leave. But I can’t even see you anymore, who you’ve become.  I feel like I don’t _know_ you.” Louis croaked back.

Both boys were emotionally exhausted, drained of all the will to fight anymore. Louis crawled into bed with Harry, taking one of his large hands in his own small, delicate ones.

“Nobody knows me better than you Louis.”

Louis fingers ghosted over the love bite on Harry’s neck that was not administered by him. His heart ached at the thought of a drunken stranger slobbering all over the pale skin. 

“Do you still love me Harry? Or am I just another stranger?”

“How can you think that? I love you so much it _hurts_ Louis. It _burns_ me. I wish I didn’t love you as much as I do. But I do. And somehow, I’m not scared of burning anymore.”

Harry squeezed Louis’ hand, shifting his gaze from the blue orbs that bore into his skin. He didn’t want to see the emotion they held, too scared to read the older boys feelings.    

But Louis wasn’t having any of that.

“Nu-uh. Look at me. Don’t turn away from me again Harry. That’s what got us into this mess in the first place.”

Harry looked up at Louis again, green eyes sparked with hope. “So, are we out of this mess? I mean, are we okay?”

Louis sighed, taking his hand out of Harry’s.

“I don’t know Harry.  I –don’t know if I can do this anymore. I love you so much, you drive me crazy, and you break my heart about a million times a week just because you _can_. But for some reason, I can’t let you go. You’re the worst thing that ever happened to me, but still the best.  I don’t know who’s the fool, you or me.”

“Maybe we’re both idiots.” Harry mumbled, pressing his lips to Louis’ warm, golden chest.

“We could be on the path to destruction, you and I.”

“So? It’ll be hell of a story for the kids.”

Louis smiled, and lifted Harry’s face from his chest and kissed him back fully on the mouth with fervour.

“It will.” 


End file.
